Good LORD. There's five days I am happy to be on this side of...

Here's a quick quiz. Which of the following ACTUALLY happened to me during the last five days?

a) Mauled by Otters.
b) Received obscene phonecall from James Lipton.
c) Picked up award for 'Best Thumbs' at the MTV Music Awards, snorted coke backstage with close pal Jay-Z and his minder 2-WAyn.
d) Got electrocuted after inserting my finger into the exhaust pipe of a hybrid car.
e) Mauled by Sandcrabs.

Still thinking? Actually, it's F - none of the above. But I DID do all of the following:

1) Made some really good money - Labor Day was double time! Wheeee!
2) Got to see Joel and Sarah get married and enjoyed their reception very much even though I couldn't stay.
3) Stayed up for a continuous 41-hour period to achieve both. (Sadly true.)

I also heard a GREAT example tonight of 'Wal-Mart Pekin-ese' (the famed language and logic system.) A woman I work with named Kay was complaining that she had to stop off at her sister's to "drop off some stuff" on the way home, and that her sister lived in Boynton. A guy I work with named Richard asked Kay where she lived, and she told him Delavan. "Jeeez!" replied Richard, "That ain't but three beers out of a six-pack away!" I asked him how he knew and he told me that's how he measured everything. To which I wanted to reply that he was six-beers out of a six-pack away from being smart, but a whole kegful of funny. Instead I just smiled and said "Ahhh!" - he's a nice guy, and at 2:20 in the morning, all I had left were bottle tops.

Anyway - must leave you. Hope everyone out there is well indeed.

Jim