Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day . . .the WAVE OF LIGHT is at 7:00 pm, October 15, in every time zone all over the world, so that a continuous wave will go all around the world.

Tonight we lit 3 candles . . .one for Brian, one for Sawyer, and one for all their angel friends. All loved, all missed so much.

I have decided to start writing more again . . .don't know if anyone actually is following anymore, but the blog started as a way to keep Jim's family involved and updated with our lives, so I'd like to at least write for their benefit.

I also would love to print out every blog I've written and write my novel someday soon. I think it would be therapeutic to me, and hopefully helpful to others who have been through something similar. It might even help people who are insensitive or don't understand the fact that this is a LIFELONG process to somehow open their eyes . . .or maybe at least soften their hearts a little.

I have felt recently some annoyance at times from people who seem to think that since Amelie is here and healthy, we aren't supposed to miss/think about/love the boys. We are SO blessed with Amelie. She is our first daughter, and our love for her is pure and unique TO her. Missing the boys doesn't lessen our love for her. Loving her doesn't lessen our love for the boys. I even miss and love Brian and Sawyer in different ways. Each of our children is special and important to us, and we will always love them.

Amelie is really changing so much every day now . . .it is just amazing to watch her learn and grow. She is babbling all the time, laughing at silly things, and really starting to relate to the world around her. It's hard to remember life without her, and I just pray every day that we are able to spend many years here on earth together.

Brian's Birthday Balloons

We got a letter in the mail today. Brian's story continues to touch people's lives, 3 years after his death, and 500 miles away. Here is the letter we received:

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Dear Rennies,

Your memory balloons were found at Indian Mountain State Park in Jellico, Tennessee on Sunday, July 12, 2009. They were found near a playground there in the park.

We were in Jellico attending a family and community reunion.

Our first granddaughter was born on July 11, 1977. We thought this was a strange coincidence.

Our granddaughter was a preemie weighing 2 pounds. She is now 32 years old, in the Air Force, stationed just a few miles from where we live. Also, she has two children of her own.

My husband actually saw the balloons and went to investigate when we found notes on each balloon and the enclosed message.

We wish God's blessings on all of you and know that little Brian William is safe in God's hands.

Sincerely,

Wayne and Georgia Todd
Bukburnett, Texas

We were so moved by the story of their own granddaughter, and the fact that they took the time to discover the balloons and send this letter back to us. Happy Birthday, Brian!

For Brian

On your third birthday, we want you to know how much we miss you . . .how deep our love is for you . . .and how proud we are that you are our firstborn.

from First Lesson by Philip Booth

As you float now, where I held you and let go,

remember when fear cramps your heart what I told you:

lie gently and wide to the light-year stars,

lie back, and the sea will hold you.

You are forever ours. Happy Birthday, sweet prince.

Brian's Memorial Website

Light a Candle for Brian

One of my facebook friends wrote this on their page, and I decided to post it here, because I really, REALLY like what he had to say!

"It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." The next time you find yourself wanting to complain or blame, bless instead. Find a way to bless the situation. The light that you share will change that situation into something completely different. You will have lit a candle instead of cursing the dark you perceived. You are the light!

This is for Jim. With all the hurts inflicted by people in the world, you are the one person . . .well, it is just fitting. Perfect.