Just Some Stuff I Found . . .

Some of this helped me, and some of it may be able to help others. None of it is intended to be preachy. It's just reflective of some things I'm feeling at the moment.

How to support someone who has lost a baby:

Hollow platitudes can hurt. Don't try to minimize the loss by saying things like, "It was meant to be" or, "You're young. You'll get pregnant again."

It takes time. Allow the person to grieve at her own pace, and don't encourage her to "get over it."

Preaching doesn't help. Just be a willing ear. Listen before you give advice, and respect the person's beliefs.

But don't be silent, either. It helps to acknowledge the loss as a significant event.

Sharing the pain:

After losing a child, a woman must learn how to share the loss in a very fertile world that largely still doesn't understand the depth of her loss.

Well-meaning family, friends and co-workers often make insensitive, minimizing remarks.

Common platitudes such as, "It's nature's way" or, "You can always try again" make it seem as if the little person so recently alive never even existed.

"People find those kinds of reassurances very hollow at best, and kind of disturbing at worst," said Marilyn Germano, a clinical psychologist in Kirkland.

The woman may also feel anger and envy "about why other people get to have this, and I don't," said Germano.