Monday, April 16, 2007

They Don't Understand
A friend of mine, Mary Ann, recently told me about this song, which describes perfectly the way I've been feeling about the world lately. Strangely enough, it's by Sawyer Brown . . .and for those of you who don't know, Brown is my maiden name, so people always said they thought of Sawyer Brown when they thought of our son. Anyway, the words are so true and go along with what I said about treating people with more compassion and kindess every day, because you never know what they're going through.
They Don't Understand
by Sawyer Brown

A mother riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling kicking up a fuss
Everybody's staring not knowing what she's going through
Somebody said don't you even care?
Do you let 'em do that everywhere?
She slowly turned around, looked up and stared
She said Please forgive them
But they've been up all night
Their father struggled but he finally lost his fight
He went to heaven
In the middle of the night
So please forgive my children
(They don't understand)
Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true
(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through
(They don't understand)
A man driving on the interstate
Slowing down traffic making everybody late
Everybody's staring not knowing what he's going through
Somebody honked from the passing lane
Yellin' out the window, I ain't got all day
The old man looked around and he caught his eye
He said please forgive me
You know it's been a long life
My wife has passed away and my kids don't have the time
I've been left all alone
And its getting hard to drive
So please forgive me children
(They don't understand)
Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true
(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through
(They don't understand)
A man hanging on a wooden cross
Giving everything to save the lost
Everybody's starin' not knowin' what he's going through
Somebody said you don't have a prayer
If you were king, come down from there
The man just turned his head looked up and stared
He said please forgive them
For they have not seen the light
They'll come to know me when I come back to life
Go to heaven, to make everything all right
So please forgive your children
(They don't understand)

Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true
(They don't understand)
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through
(They don't understand)
A mother riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling kicking up a fuss
Everybody's staring not knowing what she's going through

4 comments:

Maryanne said...

I know what you are going through. I've lost 4 children. Two as preemies, one at 8 months with RSV, one at 6 years in an auto accident. It is terrible and when the world treats you poorly, it seems to be too much sometimes.

But even if everyone did understand. Even if everyone treated you and everyone else kindly, this would still hurt worse than anything else. Ever.

Be careful if you find yourself starting to think that if other people changed their responses to you, you'd feel better. It can lead to a depression that is even deeper than what you are facing right now.

In the end, it's all about how you choose to feel and choose to handle your pain. Other people may be supportive. Or they may not. I've found that most people, even the ones who don't react well or treat others well are doing the best they can, it's just we don't understand them either. But it still doesn't change the circumstances at all.

I'll be praying for you. I hope you'll find other grieving parents where you live to be in a face-to-face relationship with. The internet is nice, but not the same.

You can get through this. On the other side, you can see the sunshine again. It's just that you'll always notice the clouds, too.

God bless you.

Jim and Amy Rennie said...

I agree with you . . .however, I have found that cruelty just makes you feel worse. No, they can't make the pain go away, but they don't have to hurt you even further.

I am sorry for your pain as well. This is my second loss, and I can't imagine any more. Thanks for your prayers.

Anonymous said...

I love that song! It is so very true!! Love you guys! ~Joni

maryanne said...

Sweetheart, my point is that others' actions may hurt very deeply, especially now when everything hurts. But you must not let others "make you feel" worse and you must start now, sooner rather than later even though it is some of the most painful work you will ever do. Because the way others will respond to you is completely out of your control even if they are married to you!

I share this with you because after the loss of my second child, Melody, I felt as though my nerves were on the outside of my body. I sank deeper and deeper and everytime someone looked at me oddly, I felt as though they were scraping those nerves and plunging something deadly into my heart. For a year and a half, I just sank trying to insulate myself first against the perceived cruelty of strangers, then against my family who never seemed to do the right thing and finally against my husband. Finally my husband begged me, weeping, to get help. It was another year before I felt those clouds lift a little.

When John and Audra died, I felt the same pain again, especially since both of them died later. But this time, I started pushing away those thoughts right away. And it still took a LONG time to emerge from the darkness. But those times, I wasn't pushed under so far by letting others hurt more. Most of the time they didn't mean to hurt anyway. They were just ignorant of the situation or didn't know what to do or hurting themselves.

I think it is instinctive to shield yourself, honey. The loss of the second is so, so hard. It was just terrible and other parents have mentioned the same. Hold tight to whatever hope you can find. Try very hard to give yourself grace. Then try to give it to others, too. It will help. I promise.

God bless and keep you.