I just wanna say how awesome and amazing Extreme Home Makeover is. I have ALWAYS loved and watched the show, and now, guess what?? They are doing a house in Pekin. Not only is that pretty cool . . .what's even cooler is that it is the house of my friend's family!!! I personally know someone involved!!! My friend Rachel's (aka Kiki) parents' home is the one being redone, and I couldn't be happier for them! They are great people, and very deserving of this great gift. I love a show that promotes giving and caring amongst fellow community members--what could be better than that?
Here's a story:
http://www.pjstar.com/news_county/x76323062/Makeovers-bittersweet-beginning
(Rachel is the one crying in the front row when the house is demolished. And Rachel, if you read this blog, trust me, I get it! I ALWAYS cry when they demolish the houses on the show. I know I would do the same thing, no matter how awesome I knew the end result would be . . .that's your house, and all the memories . . .wow. Brave woman.)
If you click on the photo on the left side of the page, it will take you to a slideshow of lots of pictures from the day!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
My cousin told me about this song, and I thought I would post the lyrics here today.
Glory Baby by Watermark
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE: I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…
Glory Baby by Watermark
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE: I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Feeling . . .
There's a line from a Sarah McLachlan song that says, "I won't fear love."
I think I do, and I want to change that, but I'm not quite sure how to go about it.
I realized today, while watching a video from a mom who lost two boys, had a TAC, and now has a healthy baby girl, that my fear is preventing me from feeling. I am afraid to love this baby. I know I do, of course . . .but I'm afraid to really feel it. If I do, and I lose again, how can I ever cope?
Jim gave me a gift which had a quote on it: "When things go wrong, hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.'"
I know that Brian and Sawyer would want us to try again. I believe that with all my heart. When I considered how hard they both fought for life, and how CLOSE we were, I knew that it was the right thing to do. I also believe that God brought me to Dr. Haney and the TAC surgery so that my lifelong dream of being a mother could be fulfilled. The trouble is . . .now that I'm in the middle of it, it's hard to remember, and even harder to believe in.
Terrified doesn't even describe how I feel. It's not a strong enough word. And I used to be able to get out all of my feelings by writing . . .yet now, I am not that interested in writing, further proof of the distance I am creating within myself. So that is why I don't blog much, unless it's to report some important bit of news.
I cried for about an hour today, because suddenly, this little life growing inside of me became painstakingly real . . .and I realized that everything I have ever wanted is riding on the outcome of this pregnancy. I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a mommy. I have the husband I always dreamed of, and I have two boys, but I can't hold them or even see them. The loss of Sawyer and Brian still hurts, and I just pray every day that we make it to the end this time. I know you are all praying, too, and I thank you. It means everything to us, and we know that God is listening.
There is a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken,
A shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow beyond all grief which leads to joy
And a fragility out of whose depths emerges strength.
There is a hollow space too vast for words
Through which we pass with each loss,
Out of whose darkness we are sanctified into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound whose serrated edges cut the heart
As we break open to the place inside which is unbreakable
And whole.
~Rashani
There's a line from a Sarah McLachlan song that says, "I won't fear love."
I think I do, and I want to change that, but I'm not quite sure how to go about it.
I realized today, while watching a video from a mom who lost two boys, had a TAC, and now has a healthy baby girl, that my fear is preventing me from feeling. I am afraid to love this baby. I know I do, of course . . .but I'm afraid to really feel it. If I do, and I lose again, how can I ever cope?
Jim gave me a gift which had a quote on it: "When things go wrong, hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.'"
I know that Brian and Sawyer would want us to try again. I believe that with all my heart. When I considered how hard they both fought for life, and how CLOSE we were, I knew that it was the right thing to do. I also believe that God brought me to Dr. Haney and the TAC surgery so that my lifelong dream of being a mother could be fulfilled. The trouble is . . .now that I'm in the middle of it, it's hard to remember, and even harder to believe in.
Terrified doesn't even describe how I feel. It's not a strong enough word. And I used to be able to get out all of my feelings by writing . . .yet now, I am not that interested in writing, further proof of the distance I am creating within myself. So that is why I don't blog much, unless it's to report some important bit of news.
I cried for about an hour today, because suddenly, this little life growing inside of me became painstakingly real . . .and I realized that everything I have ever wanted is riding on the outcome of this pregnancy. I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a mommy. I have the husband I always dreamed of, and I have two boys, but I can't hold them or even see them. The loss of Sawyer and Brian still hurts, and I just pray every day that we make it to the end this time. I know you are all praying, too, and I thank you. It means everything to us, and we know that God is listening.
There is a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken,
A shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow beyond all grief which leads to joy
And a fragility out of whose depths emerges strength.
There is a hollow space too vast for words
Through which we pass with each loss,
Out of whose darkness we are sanctified into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound whose serrated edges cut the heart
As we break open to the place inside which is unbreakable
And whole.
~Rashani
Monday, October 13, 2008
A visit to the ER is always fun, especially when it takes 5 hours.
Saturday night, I couldn't seem to get any sleep. I felt restless and nauseated, and couldn't find a comfortable position. I kept feeling really full and bloated, but didn't know why. I woke up the next morning throwing up. It was really quite horrible--I didn't make it to the bathroom the first time, and my WONDERFUL husband had a mess to clean up. He definitely deserves an award for the way he has taken care of me!!!!!! Anyway, I continued to be sick all day long (thankfully made it to the toilet the other 10 or so times)! Finally, at about 10 pm, Jim called the answering service for our OB and we got a call from the doctor. He advised going to the ER to get re-hydrated, and said that vomiting like that can be a vicious cycle, where you get dehydrated, the dehydration causes nausea, and then the vomiting causes more dehydration. So . . .we went to the ER around 10:00, and didn't get a room until after midnight. I was sick twice more while we were waiting. My mom came to the hospital, because she couldn't sleep until she knew I was okay. She also had stayed during the surgery, which was very sweet. It's nice to have moral support! Finally, at about 12:40, they placed an IV. I got IV fluids and some strong anti-nausea medication for the next 2 1/2 hours. At about 3:00 I was discharged and told I could come back right away for help if any more problems came up.
I had an appointment at the OB office this morning at 9:30, so when the alarm rang at 8:00, naturally I turned it off. Thankfully, I woke up at about 8:45 again, and we made it in time. Everything looks great--baby is looking good with a heart rate of 170. I am feeling a lot better, and got a bottle of Zofran, a very strong antiemetic. I have managed to eat a little today and kept it all down. I am still worried about it happening again, just because it's so miserable, but so far, things are going well.
Saturday night, I couldn't seem to get any sleep. I felt restless and nauseated, and couldn't find a comfortable position. I kept feeling really full and bloated, but didn't know why. I woke up the next morning throwing up. It was really quite horrible--I didn't make it to the bathroom the first time, and my WONDERFUL husband had a mess to clean up. He definitely deserves an award for the way he has taken care of me!!!!!! Anyway, I continued to be sick all day long (thankfully made it to the toilet the other 10 or so times)! Finally, at about 10 pm, Jim called the answering service for our OB and we got a call from the doctor. He advised going to the ER to get re-hydrated, and said that vomiting like that can be a vicious cycle, where you get dehydrated, the dehydration causes nausea, and then the vomiting causes more dehydration. So . . .we went to the ER around 10:00, and didn't get a room until after midnight. I was sick twice more while we were waiting. My mom came to the hospital, because she couldn't sleep until she knew I was okay. She also had stayed during the surgery, which was very sweet. It's nice to have moral support! Finally, at about 12:40, they placed an IV. I got IV fluids and some strong anti-nausea medication for the next 2 1/2 hours. At about 3:00 I was discharged and told I could come back right away for help if any more problems came up.
I had an appointment at the OB office this morning at 9:30, so when the alarm rang at 8:00, naturally I turned it off. Thankfully, I woke up at about 8:45 again, and we made it in time. Everything looks great--baby is looking good with a heart rate of 170. I am feeling a lot better, and got a bottle of Zofran, a very strong antiemetic. I have managed to eat a little today and kept it all down. I am still worried about it happening again, just because it's so miserable, but so far, things are going well.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
I am home, and here is a brief summary of how I am doing:
The sugery, which is supposed to take an hour, took over 3 hours. Dr. Haney said it was one of, if not his most, difficult case. Because of my height, he said it was difficult to get where he wanted to be, and also my uterian arteries are exactly parallel to my uterus, while most people's come in at an angle. All of this is probably too much information, but what it means is that combined together, it just made it VERY difficult for him. He also usually makes an incision of a couple of inches, but for me it is about 10-12 inches across my entire stomach. This means the recovery will be a lot more painful.
I was also very scared because I had no choice--I had to be "put under." I had wanted that at first, but then got worried about it, and had pretty much decided on a spinal, but Dr. Haney said it would be too dangerous to do it while I was awake. He said he had to be able to "pull muscles apart" and couldn't do it if I wasn't fully relaxed. In retrospect, I am VERY glad I was under, because it was over 3 hours and very complicated. I would not have wanted to be awake for any of that!!!!
I also experienced an incredible degree of nausea . . .which seemed to get better yesterday late afternoon, but appears to be back. I am hoping this will get better soon, because I hate feeling like I'm going to throw up all the time. Apparently this is because, as Dr. Haney told me, they had to move around my intestines (I know--gross!) At first I thought I was going to have to stay another night, but thankfully, I was able to get up and move around, pee, and all the other stuff that convinced them I was okay to go home. I am a much better "patient" and recover better in my own bed! I finally got some solid sleep without anyone taking my blood pressure or more blood!
However, the outcome is really good. I would trade physical pain ANY day for losing another child, and the upshot is that Dr. Haney is an amazing doctor and surgeon. The reason he took so long was to get it perfect, and it is perfect. When they looked on ultrasound the next day, they saw that the kevlar band is ALL the way at the top of the cervix, just under the uterus, which is optimum placement. He couldn't have gotten it any higher, so it was a perfect outcome. The other perfect part is that the baby, despite all the risks, made it and is doing perfect! Heart rate is between 176-180!
So everything is good, other than the HUGE amount of pain I am in, but that will get better every day over the next few weeks. It will DEFINITELY be worth it in the end.
The sugery, which is supposed to take an hour, took over 3 hours. Dr. Haney said it was one of, if not his most, difficult case. Because of my height, he said it was difficult to get where he wanted to be, and also my uterian arteries are exactly parallel to my uterus, while most people's come in at an angle. All of this is probably too much information, but what it means is that combined together, it just made it VERY difficult for him. He also usually makes an incision of a couple of inches, but for me it is about 10-12 inches across my entire stomach. This means the recovery will be a lot more painful.
I was also very scared because I had no choice--I had to be "put under." I had wanted that at first, but then got worried about it, and had pretty much decided on a spinal, but Dr. Haney said it would be too dangerous to do it while I was awake. He said he had to be able to "pull muscles apart" and couldn't do it if I wasn't fully relaxed. In retrospect, I am VERY glad I was under, because it was over 3 hours and very complicated. I would not have wanted to be awake for any of that!!!!
I also experienced an incredible degree of nausea . . .which seemed to get better yesterday late afternoon, but appears to be back. I am hoping this will get better soon, because I hate feeling like I'm going to throw up all the time. Apparently this is because, as Dr. Haney told me, they had to move around my intestines (I know--gross!) At first I thought I was going to have to stay another night, but thankfully, I was able to get up and move around, pee, and all the other stuff that convinced them I was okay to go home. I am a much better "patient" and recover better in my own bed! I finally got some solid sleep without anyone taking my blood pressure or more blood!
However, the outcome is really good. I would trade physical pain ANY day for losing another child, and the upshot is that Dr. Haney is an amazing doctor and surgeon. The reason he took so long was to get it perfect, and it is perfect. When they looked on ultrasound the next day, they saw that the kevlar band is ALL the way at the top of the cervix, just under the uterus, which is optimum placement. He couldn't have gotten it any higher, so it was a perfect outcome. The other perfect part is that the baby, despite all the risks, made it and is doing perfect! Heart rate is between 176-180!
So everything is good, other than the HUGE amount of pain I am in, but that will get better every day over the next few weeks. It will DEFINITELY be worth it in the end.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Pregnancy/Surgery Update
Well . . .my medical card FINALLY arrived (phew!) and my surgery is now scheduled. It will be on Monday, October 6 at Duchossois Center for Advanced Medicine. I will then stay at Bernard Mitchell Hospital across the street. Dr. Arthur F. Haney will perform the Transabdominal Cerclage (or TAC). TACs have a 95+% success rate, which is all the more incredible considering all of those who have a TAC have had failed TVCs and Incompetent Cervix. Dr. Haney has been amazing--always ready and available to answer all of my questions, very reassuring, and very positive. He's a great physician and surgeon--a rare find indeed. And I also joined an online community of women who all have had TACs and success stories abound! I am feeling very positive and excited about this. Please keep us in your prayers--there are risks to the surgery, just as with any surgery, so we could sure use them.
About Dr. Haney:
Dr. Haney is Chairman of Obstetrics & Gynecology and the Catherine Lindsay Dobson Professor in Obstetrics & Gynecology at the University of Chicago.
The recipient of numerous honors, including a Distinguished Professor Award from Duke in 1986, Haney has served as president of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, as president of the Congress of the International Federation of Fertility Societies, as well as an examiner and director of the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology.
He has published more than 100 articles in peer-reviewed journals, authored dozens of review articles and book chapters, and served as editor for the 9th edition of the most widely used textbook for medical students and residents, Danforth's Obstetrics and Gynecology.
He also has served as a consultant on fertility issues to the United States Environmental Protection Agency, the National Institute on Environmental Health Sciences, the National Cancer Institute, the U.S. Food & Drug Administration, the Centers for Disease Control and the President's Council on Bioethics.
Dr. Haney specializes in abdominal cerclage.
LINKS:
Duchossois Center for Advanced Medicine
Arthur F. Haney, MD
University of Chicago Medical Center Obstetrics and Gynecology
In other news, please pray for my uncle as well. He is in the hospital with some heart problems, though I'm not sure exactly what is going on right now. He was NOT having a heart attack, so this is good news. His heart rate is also improving.
Well . . .my medical card FINALLY arrived (phew!) and my surgery is now scheduled. It will be on Monday, October 6 at Duchossois Center for Advanced Medicine. I will then stay at Bernard Mitchell Hospital across the street. Dr. Arthur F. Haney will perform the Transabdominal Cerclage (or TAC). TACs have a 95+% success rate, which is all the more incredible considering all of those who have a TAC have had failed TVCs and Incompetent Cervix. Dr. Haney has been amazing--always ready and available to answer all of my questions, very reassuring, and very positive. He's a great physician and surgeon--a rare find indeed. And I also joined an online community of women who all have had TACs and success stories abound! I am feeling very positive and excited about this. Please keep us in your prayers--there are risks to the surgery, just as with any surgery, so we could sure use them.
About Dr. Haney:
Dr. Haney is Chairman of Obstetrics & Gynecology and the Catherine Lindsay Dobson Professor in Obstetrics & Gynecology at the University of Chicago.
The recipient of numerous honors, including a Distinguished Professor Award from Duke in 1986, Haney has served as president of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, as president of the Congress of the International Federation of Fertility Societies, as well as an examiner and director of the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology.
He has published more than 100 articles in peer-reviewed journals, authored dozens of review articles and book chapters, and served as editor for the 9th edition of the most widely used textbook for medical students and residents, Danforth's Obstetrics and Gynecology.
He also has served as a consultant on fertility issues to the United States Environmental Protection Agency, the National Institute on Environmental Health Sciences, the National Cancer Institute, the U.S. Food & Drug Administration, the Centers for Disease Control and the President's Council on Bioethics.
Dr. Haney specializes in abdominal cerclage.
LINKS:
Duchossois Center for Advanced Medicine
Arthur F. Haney, MD
University of Chicago Medical Center Obstetrics and Gynecology
In other news, please pray for my uncle as well. He is in the hospital with some heart problems, though I'm not sure exactly what is going on right now. He was NOT having a heart attack, so this is good news. His heart rate is also improving.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
I realize I haven't been saying much about the pregnancy yet. There has been a reason for that. I am very, very early . . .even earlier than I had first thought when I went to the doctor. Apparently, I found out about a week to 10 days post conception. So I am just now between 5-6 weeks. I was nervous at first, because last week when I went in, the nurse said my pregnancy test (urine) was "very light." So they did a sono, and all they saw was a small gestational sac, which apparently is normal for early pregnancy. However, it can also be that way if you have a blighted ovum or other such complications. They took my blood and had me come back 2 days later to do it again to make sure the hCG was doubling.
I was afraid to talk about things because I was really, really worried. Even though I didn't really tell anyone, I just felt so afraid of something going wrong in this early stage, and how hard it would be . . .especially since I have already told everyone. Sometimes when you start THIS early in the pregnancy, it can be scary! There's not a whole lot they can see or do at 3-4 weeks, but we want definite answers! We are praying a lot and learning a lot of patience already.
So . . .the good news is that my hCG looks great. It is doubling, and the numbers are right in the 4-6 week range.
The best news is that I had another sono today. This time the gestational sac was much larger than a week ago, and the doctor could see the yolk sac and fetal pole, both of which are very important to identify at this stage! I go back for another sono next week, and hopefully at that point there will be a heartbeat.
Keep praying that things continue to develop normally and this baby is healthy!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Lighter Than Air, Filled With Love . . .
Brian's second birthday was on Friday, July 11, which happened to be during our vacation. Early that morning, my mom and dad helped us call around to some local florists to find out if they did helium balloons. We found one that did, so we travelled to Versailles, MO, to buy balloons for him. We decided upon a balloon that depicted a cabin by a lake, with mom and dad ducks sailing by. Each day, we would see and feed this little family of ducks, so we thought it was perfect. We also got another blue balloon for Brian, and added a green one for Sawyer.
We picked out a small card that said "Glad you were born" on it. We wrote on the front of the card:
~In Memory~
Brian William Rennie
July 11, 2006
Our Precious Son
Then on the back we wrote:
We love you! Mom and Dad
If found, please mail to:
Jim Rennie
(and then our address)
We sealed the envelope after both signing our names (Mom and Dad), and then Jim wrote some words from Brian's funeral on the outside of the envelope. The words were read by the Pastor as we released a white balloon in his memory: "Lighter than air, filled with love . . ."
We released the balloons in early evening, and watched as they sailed off into the distance. It was a bittersweet moment--the day our first child was born was also one of the saddest and most horrifying days of our lives, because it was also the day we had to say goodbye to him. We want to always remember him in a positive way on his birthday, and make sure to pass on the love that we feel for him to others. In this way, he lives on and makes the world a better place.
We were really hoping that someone might find the card, but didn't know how far it might travel or how long it might be before we heard anything (if ever). Today was the day! When I got home from work, I discovered that we had a letter from Berger, MO. My heart was filled with joy and anticipation as I tore open the envelope. This is what we read:
7-13-08
Hello Jim Rennie:
My name is Carolyn and my husband is Gerald S****. We ride our double bike down in the Berger Bottoms as many days a week we can ride. We try to ride 20 miles a day. Berger, MO is just 5 miles east of Hermann, MO or 70 miles west of St. Louis. On Friday, July 11th, we were riding and saw the balloon on a levy, and thinking it may be like a treasure hunt my husband got off the bike and went to retrieve it. He found the card, unopened, still on the ribbon. We think it was down there because it looked like there may have been more than one balloon on the string and the remaining balloon was almost flat. We were both touched by the gesture and words on the card. We are curious, was your son born on 7-11-06, or did he pass away on that date? How old was he?
We are also wondering when the balloon was released? We found it 7-11-08.
It also throws us, when we see the florist was in Versailles, MO and your address it Tremont, IL. We are about 110 miles from Versailles, MO.
We are both retired and ride our double seated bike for pleasure and exercise. How about you?
We have email, do you? Ours is *****. Would love to hear from you.
Carolyn and Gerald S*****
PS
We went on a bus trip, thru our local bank last summer to Amish Country. Had a delicious meal at an Amish home in Versailles, MO. We may do it again the food was so delicious. We will look forward to hearing back from you.
So how amazing is this? My little boy is still touching people's lives, people who live far away, who have never met us or heard our story. And the fact that someone would take the time not only to mail the card back, but to write a letter means more than we can express. This small gesture on their part has really moved us deeply, and we can't wait to get in touch with them. I am thinking of writing a real "paper" letter first, and then emailing if they would like to stay in touch.
So, happy birthday to our precious, beloved baby boy, Brian William. You are our firstborn, our very first glimpse of a true miracle, and we will love you eternally.
*****************************************************
Interviewer: Do you have any advice for women?
Edith Piaf: Love
Interviewer: How about for a young woman?
Edith: Love
Interviewer: And for a child?
Edith: Love
*****************************************************
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:8
*****************************************************
All you need is love . . .
Yes, the Beatles said it too, in as many ways as they could find. Maybe someday the world will hear the message.
*****************************************************
Lighter than air, filled with love . . .
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Just a quick update . . .we celebrated Brian's second birthday in Heaven while we were in Lake of the Ozarks. I will be posting pictures and memories soon . . .just need a chance to get caught up with things here!
Happy Birthday, our precious son. We love you more than ever and miss you more each day.
Happy Birthday, our precious son. We love you more than ever and miss you more each day.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Something Has to Change
We just got done watching part of a documentary on BBC Newsnight about North Korean refugees. "On The Border" is a documentary on North Korean refugees produced by the Chosun Ilbo as part of its global cross-media program. The segment contained scenes of a North Korean woman sold to China across the Tumen River for [$47], a North Korean drug dealer crossing the river naked, and the suffering of North Korean women suffering hardships after being sold to Chinese men. It also showed the bodies of people who perished in the freezing cold and who were left where they fell until the waters thawed and they were washed away. It showed how China treats these refugees (put them in prison and send them back, in one case first aborting the fetus of one of the women who was pregnant w/a half-Chinese/half-Korean baby).
I couldn't believe my eyes. Lately it seems as if I am seeing the world as it really is for the first time. I can't believe how naive and silly people are, myself included. It feels like the world around me has been a mirage, which is slowly dissipating, and I am seeing for myself just how frightening and tragic the lives of others are.
I read a story recently about a free rice program which is being stopped in Cambodia, due to soaring global food prices.
"At dawn in a ramshackle elementary school in rural Cambodia, the children think of only one thing: their stomachs. They anxiously await the steaming buckets of free rice delivered to their desks. But by the end of the month, they will no longer get free breakfast from the UN World Food Program. About 450,000 Cambodian students will become the latest victims of soaring global food prices.
Five local suppliers have defaulted on contracts to provide rice because they can get a higher price elsewhere, program officials say. Prices of rice have tripled on the global market since December.
Faced with a shortfall of more than 14,000 tons of rice, and with more pressing needs to meet, the World Food Program stopped the free breakfasts in March. The schools' remaining stocks are expected to run out in the coming days."
The article goes on: "The numbers are grim. In Burundi, Kenya and Zambia, hundreds of thousands of people face cuts in food rations after June. In Iraq, 500,000 recipients will likely lose food aid. In Yemen, it's 320,000 households, including children and the sick."
Many children will now drop out of school, as this free meal was a worthwhile reason to attend. However, without it, they will need to help their families try to find a way to survive poverty and hunger.
I cried my eyes out when I read the quotes from the school children.
"I had difficulty sitting in the class because my stomach was growling," Rim Channa, a 13-year-old fifth-grader.
"I feel hopeless," said Boeurn Srey Leak, a 15-year-old in sixth grade.
I realize there are those who feel that it isn't our responsibility to help the rest of the world. I am not one of those people. Something in my life has to change. I can't continue to live this life, wanting for very little, while there are so many needing so much. I don't know what it is yet, I just know it's there, and it needs fixing.
We just got done watching part of a documentary on BBC Newsnight about North Korean refugees. "On The Border" is a documentary on North Korean refugees produced by the Chosun Ilbo as part of its global cross-media program. The segment contained scenes of a North Korean woman sold to China across the Tumen River for [$47], a North Korean drug dealer crossing the river naked, and the suffering of North Korean women suffering hardships after being sold to Chinese men. It also showed the bodies of people who perished in the freezing cold and who were left where they fell until the waters thawed and they were washed away. It showed how China treats these refugees (put them in prison and send them back, in one case first aborting the fetus of one of the women who was pregnant w/a half-Chinese/half-Korean baby).
I couldn't believe my eyes. Lately it seems as if I am seeing the world as it really is for the first time. I can't believe how naive and silly people are, myself included. It feels like the world around me has been a mirage, which is slowly dissipating, and I am seeing for myself just how frightening and tragic the lives of others are.
I read a story recently about a free rice program which is being stopped in Cambodia, due to soaring global food prices.
"At dawn in a ramshackle elementary school in rural Cambodia, the children think of only one thing: their stomachs. They anxiously await the steaming buckets of free rice delivered to their desks. But by the end of the month, they will no longer get free breakfast from the UN World Food Program. About 450,000 Cambodian students will become the latest victims of soaring global food prices.
Five local suppliers have defaulted on contracts to provide rice because they can get a higher price elsewhere, program officials say. Prices of rice have tripled on the global market since December.
Faced with a shortfall of more than 14,000 tons of rice, and with more pressing needs to meet, the World Food Program stopped the free breakfasts in March. The schools' remaining stocks are expected to run out in the coming days."
The article goes on: "The numbers are grim. In Burundi, Kenya and Zambia, hundreds of thousands of people face cuts in food rations after June. In Iraq, 500,000 recipients will likely lose food aid. In Yemen, it's 320,000 households, including children and the sick."
Many children will now drop out of school, as this free meal was a worthwhile reason to attend. However, without it, they will need to help their families try to find a way to survive poverty and hunger.
I cried my eyes out when I read the quotes from the school children.
"I had difficulty sitting in the class because my stomach was growling," Rim Channa, a 13-year-old fifth-grader.
"I feel hopeless," said Boeurn Srey Leak, a 15-year-old in sixth grade.
I realize there are those who feel that it isn't our responsibility to help the rest of the world. I am not one of those people. Something in my life has to change. I can't continue to live this life, wanting for very little, while there are so many needing so much. I don't know what it is yet, I just know it's there, and it needs fixing.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
I'm Such a Jerk
I meant to post this on Mother's Day. I honestly did. And then I forgot. Completely. Now I feel like big crapola. I walked past my gift from Jim and was admiring it and garnering strength from it, as tonight has been a particularly hard night, and suddenly realized I'd never actually posted this blog. In the midst of mentioning the garden, the tattoos, and the other special Mother's Day gifts, I failed to mention the most significant gift of all. So . . .here it is, a little late, but just as heartfelt and grateful.
On Mother's Day, after a family dinner, Jim and I retreated to our apartment to spend the evening together. He brought me a card and a package.
The card was from Hallmark's (Product)RED line. The front looks like this:
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I meant to post this on Mother's Day. I honestly did. And then I forgot. Completely. Now I feel like big crapola. I walked past my gift from Jim and was admiring it and garnering strength from it, as tonight has been a particularly hard night, and suddenly realized I'd never actually posted this blog. In the midst of mentioning the garden, the tattoos, and the other special Mother's Day gifts, I failed to mention the most significant gift of all. So . . .here it is, a little late, but just as heartfelt and grateful.
On Mother's Day, after a family dinner, Jim and I retreated to our apartment to spend the evening together. He brought me a card and a package.
The card was from Hallmark's (Product)RED line. The front looks like this:
Inside, on the left, it says (I couldn't get a decent picture of it):
EBAN "Fence"
In West Africa, a house
with a fenced yard
is considered an ideal home
where love is safe.
The inside right looks like this:
So the tears began . . .obviously. The card couldn't have been more perfect. It is so special to me. I still have it displayed on the dining table so I can look at it every day.
Then I opened the gift. It was from Jim and the boys.
Are any more words needed? I cried and cried . . .and it felt so nice to be remembered, and for my boys to be a part of the day. I know they want us to try again, in all aspects of our life together, as a family. Brian and Sawyer will always be that Hope, whispering to me, leading me on.
Thank you, Jim. You are the most amazing person I know. I love you more every day, and I will love you always.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Brian and Sawyer’s Memorial Garden
Well, we finally did it! Yesterday when I went to get my tattoos, they were running about 45 minutes behind, so we went right across the street to buy some flowers. We had bought my mom flowers for Mother's Day from the same place and they were really pretty, so we thought it would be a good place to get some for Brian and Sawyer.
We chose three types of flowers: snapdragons, alyssum, and lobelia. We chose flowers in green, blue, and yellow . . .the colors of the boys' nursery. We already had one pink flower too, that my church had given to each mother for Mother's Day.
After my tattoo was finished, we went to Menard's to get some stones to edge the garden with. At first we were looking at landscaping bricks and edging, but nothing caught our eye (or imagination). Suddenly, just as we had almost decided on a type of stone we "kinda" liked, Jim noticed some granite cobbles. They are really natural looking smooth, round stones. We loved them instantly, but debated on whether or not it would be possible to use them around the edge. We finally decided it was worth taking a chance and chose some. We had no idea how many to get--we hadn't measured anything or decided on a size--we couldn't even remember the width of the stone. So we kind of guessed and hoped that we had enough.
Today when we arrived, Jim dug out all the grass and chopped up the dirt so it was smooth and fine. At the same time, I put up the new wind chimes that a "mysterious friend" sent me for Mother's Day from Brian and Sawyer. We also found a new flag holder--our other one was kind of makeshift, because when we went to buy it, there were none at any of the stores. So this one will be more sturdy and permanent, even though I have to say, Jim did a great job with the first one! So I put that up, and I also washed their tombstone and statues.
When he finished, he laid out the stones, and guess what? There were EXACTLY enough. It couldn't have been more perfect. They looked absolutely beautiful. He packed them in, then I sat down and we started the flower planting. We tried to lay everything out perfectly.
When we finished, we arranged the stuff at their grave, and then stood back to look. We were both incredibly pleased. It looks gorgeous! The stones and flowers could not have been more perfect. We went and got some water to water the flowers, and then took some pictures. We are so glad everything worked together to create such a nice memorial to our boys. We think their grave looks absolutely perfect. The flowers have added some color, life, and beauty to their resting place. It looks very peaceful and serene, and I love that all the colors of their nursery are incorporated.
Well, we finally did it! Yesterday when I went to get my tattoos, they were running about 45 minutes behind, so we went right across the street to buy some flowers. We had bought my mom flowers for Mother's Day from the same place and they were really pretty, so we thought it would be a good place to get some for Brian and Sawyer.
We chose three types of flowers: snapdragons, alyssum, and lobelia. We chose flowers in green, blue, and yellow . . .the colors of the boys' nursery. We already had one pink flower too, that my church had given to each mother for Mother's Day.
After my tattoo was finished, we went to Menard's to get some stones to edge the garden with. At first we were looking at landscaping bricks and edging, but nothing caught our eye (or imagination). Suddenly, just as we had almost decided on a type of stone we "kinda" liked, Jim noticed some granite cobbles. They are really natural looking smooth, round stones. We loved them instantly, but debated on whether or not it would be possible to use them around the edge. We finally decided it was worth taking a chance and chose some. We had no idea how many to get--we hadn't measured anything or decided on a size--we couldn't even remember the width of the stone. So we kind of guessed and hoped that we had enough.
Today when we arrived, Jim dug out all the grass and chopped up the dirt so it was smooth and fine. At the same time, I put up the new wind chimes that a "mysterious friend" sent me for Mother's Day from Brian and Sawyer. We also found a new flag holder--our other one was kind of makeshift, because when we went to buy it, there were none at any of the stores. So this one will be more sturdy and permanent, even though I have to say, Jim did a great job with the first one! So I put that up, and I also washed their tombstone and statues.
When he finished, he laid out the stones, and guess what? There were EXACTLY enough. It couldn't have been more perfect. They looked absolutely beautiful. He packed them in, then I sat down and we started the flower planting. We tried to lay everything out perfectly.
When we finished, we arranged the stuff at their grave, and then stood back to look. We were both incredibly pleased. It looks gorgeous! The stones and flowers could not have been more perfect. We went and got some water to water the flowers, and then took some pictures. We are so glad everything worked together to create such a nice memorial to our boys. We think their grave looks absolutely perfect. The flowers have added some color, life, and beauty to their resting place. It looks very peaceful and serene, and I love that all the colors of their nursery are incorporated.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Well . . .I did it! For those of you who don't know, I got 2 tattoos for Mother's Day. However, I had to make an appointment for this weekend, which worked out really well since it's Memorial Day weekend. We also got flowers and stones to make Brian and Sawyer's memorial garden . . .we will be working on it tomorrow, so watch for a blog and pictures!
My tattoos are my sons' footprints--Brian's left footprint on my left foot, and Sawyer's right footprint on my right foot. And just so everyone knows . . .foot tattoos aren't any worse than any other tattoo, as far as I'm concerned. They hurt, yes, but I can remember getting both of my other tattoos, and it was no worse. I had built up the pain in my mind SO badly, because everyone kept telling me how much foot tattoos hurt . . .but it was really okay. Tolerable, anyway. Perhaps this is because Kalib, the artist from American Inkwell who did mine, is very talented. I've always heard that if you get tattoos from really great artists it isn't as bad, and maybe that's true. Regardless, Kalib did an amazing job. He didn't push me too hard, took lots of tiny breaks, just to let me breathe once before starting again, and just when I thought it was too much, he'd squirt a little water on and wipe, which really cooled down the burning sensation. Each foot only took about 7-10 minutes, because I didn't want any color and Kalib didn't want to use any liner. We just wanted to go for a very natural look, as if the boys' footprints were stamped directly on mine.
Here is a picture of Brian's tattoo, which is on my left side because he was our first born, but also because my tattoo in memory of his namesake is on that side as well:
My tattoos are my sons' footprints--Brian's left footprint on my left foot, and Sawyer's right footprint on my right foot. And just so everyone knows . . .foot tattoos aren't any worse than any other tattoo, as far as I'm concerned. They hurt, yes, but I can remember getting both of my other tattoos, and it was no worse. I had built up the pain in my mind SO badly, because everyone kept telling me how much foot tattoos hurt . . .but it was really okay. Tolerable, anyway. Perhaps this is because Kalib, the artist from American Inkwell who did mine, is very talented. I've always heard that if you get tattoos from really great artists it isn't as bad, and maybe that's true. Regardless, Kalib did an amazing job. He didn't push me too hard, took lots of tiny breaks, just to let me breathe once before starting again, and just when I thought it was too much, he'd squirt a little water on and wipe, which really cooled down the burning sensation. Each foot only took about 7-10 minutes, because I didn't want any color and Kalib didn't want to use any liner. We just wanted to go for a very natural look, as if the boys' footprints were stamped directly on mine.
Here is a picture of Brian's tattoo, which is on my left side because he was our first born, but also because my tattoo in memory of his namesake is on that side as well:
Here is Sawyer's (still a little bloody, sorry):
And here are both together:
In this picture, you can see the "tan stripe" across the center of my feet. It was funny, because when I was trying to explain to Kalib and Jason, the other tattoo artist at American Inkwell, where I wanted them, I finally said, "Well, you see that tan line across my foot?" and they both laughed.
So there you go! I love them love them love them. I love how they are each unique, because they are perfect replicas of my children's footprints. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad I got up the courage to do this . . .Jim told me in the car on the way, as I was crying because I was so scared, that I would always regret it if I didn't do it, and he was right! AND he reminded me of all the happiness they would bring if I did do it, and he was right about that too, of course . . .he always is.
I'll post some more photos as they heal. For now, I'd better go get them elevated--avoiding edema is a great excuse for a lazy weekend!
Monday, May 19, 2008
The Call
I went to see Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian on Sunday. I am a huge CS Lewis fan, and I ADORE the Narnia books. My old set is ragged and dog-eared from being read over and over again, through my childhood and into my adulthood. I always thought it would be fun to decorate a child's room in a Narnia theme. So, as you can imagine, I loved the movie. I thought it was really well done and captured the spirit of the book. However, an unexpected gem came at the end of the movie in a song. I am also a HUGE Regina Spektor fan, so when I heard the first line, I knew instantly it was her. This song is absolutely gorgeous. It made me cry, BIG time, not just because it captured the book/movie/story perfectly, but of course because of the loss I've experienced. I love being reminded once again by CS Lewis that death is never the end, and goodbye is never forever.
The Call
by Regina Spektor
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll cone back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
I went to see Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian on Sunday. I am a huge CS Lewis fan, and I ADORE the Narnia books. My old set is ragged and dog-eared from being read over and over again, through my childhood and into my adulthood. I always thought it would be fun to decorate a child's room in a Narnia theme. So, as you can imagine, I loved the movie. I thought it was really well done and captured the spirit of the book. However, an unexpected gem came at the end of the movie in a song. I am also a HUGE Regina Spektor fan, so when I heard the first line, I knew instantly it was her. This song is absolutely gorgeous. It made me cry, BIG time, not just because it captured the book/movie/story perfectly, but of course because of the loss I've experienced. I love being reminded once again by CS Lewis that death is never the end, and goodbye is never forever.
The Call
by Regina Spektor
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll cone back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
Saturday, May 17, 2008
My sister-in-law (Jim's sister) has just released her first full-length CD. Her name is Cathryn Stone, and the album is called "White Sun Dark Moon." I have listened to it hundreds of times now, and I can tell you without reservation that it is fantastic. Even if I didn't know her and wasn't related to her, I would still STRONGLY recommend that you purchase this album, . She writes her own songs, plays her own instruments, and her voice is incredible. The songs are all beautiful . . .haunting . . .so earthy and real.
So if you're in the mood to try something new in the world of music, buy her CD. You won't be disappointed! You can buy it from her website, http://www.cathrynstone.co.uk/, or from CD Baby at http://cdbaby.com/cd/cathrynstone.
Oh, and by the way, Jim designed the logo of her name, and his name is mentioned on the back cover of the CD. Very cool--we feel slightly famous!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Tattoo Update
Well . . .the tattoo has been talked about with the artists, a deposit has been paid, and an appointment has been made! I will get both feet tattooed with the boys' footprints (one on each) on March 26. Pictures will follow! Wish me luck--I have heard nothing but warnings about how BAD the pain will be, but Kalib, one of the owners and artists at American Inkwell, told me it would hurt less than the one on my leg, so that made me feel a LOT better! I trust his judgement. I'm really excited and can't wait to show them off!
Well . . .the tattoo has been talked about with the artists, a deposit has been paid, and an appointment has been made! I will get both feet tattooed with the boys' footprints (one on each) on March 26. Pictures will follow! Wish me luck--I have heard nothing but warnings about how BAD the pain will be, but Kalib, one of the owners and artists at American Inkwell, told me it would hurt less than the one on my leg, so that made me feel a LOT better! I trust his judgement. I'm really excited and can't wait to show them off!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
So . . .I've been living my new healthy lifestyle for a week now. Actually 8 days. I have lost 10 pounds, which isn't too bad I suppose (although I do struggle with impatience and the need for instant results). For the first few days, I was concentrating on the food part--calories, fat, protein, and carbs. Then two days ago I added exercise and began walking a mile each night, and this afternoon--joy of all joys!--my Sweatin' to the Oldies DVD arrived! Yes, that's right . . .I could relive the days of high school PE aerobics with Richard and the 80's gang. I did the whole workout, and even though it was fairly simple, I did sweat and it did strain me. One must bear in mind that it's been over a decade since I've really exercised. But I had fun. I really love Richard's workouts--you feel like real people are capable of doing them successfully and losing weight. I also felt really good afterwards. I had planned to join my already sleeping husband for a nap, but alas, I was suddenly overcome with energy--go figure! My dog is happy with this whole arrangement too, because she never gets to lick real plates . . .but now that many of my foods come out of plastic trays, she gets to lick them at the end, and this makes her feel fulfilled.
I am really obsessed with the food part. I track every single last calorie I eat, down to this morning's single servings of Coffee Mate (30 calories each)! A couple of my friends at work have joined me, which is really nice and helps with motivation. It's also funny, because we're pretty desperate to get the most food possible for our calories. I was telling them today how I use my fingers to scrape clean the bottoms of my microwave food entrees, and they totally understood. We also talked about how some foods have become "SO not worth it" to us . . .because they're such a small portion and so many calories. We're also quite serious about eating every last bit--today my friend dropped a raisin, and I joked about it . . .but deep down, I knew that if it was me, I'd have grabbed the raisin off the floor and eaten it. Every raisin counts.
I shall leave you all to ponder that as I finish up my roasted potatoes and broccoli, which I mistakenly thought also contained chicken. As you can imagine, I'm pretty disappointed right about now. Anyway . . .here's to living longer!
I am really obsessed with the food part. I track every single last calorie I eat, down to this morning's single servings of Coffee Mate (30 calories each)! A couple of my friends at work have joined me, which is really nice and helps with motivation. It's also funny, because we're pretty desperate to get the most food possible for our calories. I was telling them today how I use my fingers to scrape clean the bottoms of my microwave food entrees, and they totally understood. We also talked about how some foods have become "SO not worth it" to us . . .because they're such a small portion and so many calories. We're also quite serious about eating every last bit--today my friend dropped a raisin, and I joked about it . . .but deep down, I knew that if it was me, I'd have grabbed the raisin off the floor and eaten it. Every raisin counts.
I shall leave you all to ponder that as I finish up my roasted potatoes and broccoli, which I mistakenly thought also contained chicken. As you can imagine, I'm pretty disappointed right about now. Anyway . . .here's to living longer!
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Tagged Again
Okay, I got tagged again . . .I think I've done this before, but I will try to write different things this time.
I HAVE BEEN TAGGED
The rules in this game of tag are simple -- once you have been tagged, you must write a blog with ten weird, random things, little known facts or habits about yourself. At the end choose at least 10 people to be tagged, list their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you've been tagged" and tell them to read your latest blog. Since you can't tag me back… let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see it.
1. I love Kenny Loggins. I am embarrassed about it, but my friend Jami and I decided we should make T-Shirts that say, on the front, "We Love Loggins" and on the back "And we are not ashamed!"
2. I kind of want to write Kenny Loggins a fan letter. I bet he hasn't gotten one since the late 80's. I could be his number one fan, for sure. Maybe even president of his fan club.
3. I also love Richard Simmons. I recently ordered "Sweatin' to the Oldies" to go along with my diet. Maybe I should add "Simmons" to the Loggins Tee.
4. I am getting 2 new tattoos, as soon as my "economic stimulus" money comes in. I am getting Brian's footprint on my left foot and Sawyer's on my right.
5. I like to call people by strange names. Like right now, if I saw you, I'd say, "Hi, Mike!" And I bet your name is indeed . . .well, not Mike.
6. Like my sister-in-law, I am not overly obsessed with chocolate. I like it. But I don't LOVE it. Now that I'm on a diet, people keep asking me if I miss it. No, I don't. In fact, I can still eat a lot of stuff w/some chocolate, and it's not that thrilling. What I'd REALLY love to eat is a pound of bacon. Seriously.
7. I used to worry a lot about people talking bad about me. It really upset me a lot to know that "friends" of mine were saying things, judging me, behind my back. I know that people have judged my divorce and remarriage, and think I am a bad person. I haven't advertised my feelings or what happened to most people, so they assume they know. I'm over that now, and over them. None of them actually know even a tiny percent of what they THINK they know about me or my life.
8. I am a little bit obsessed with true-crime tv shows and books. Another secret passion.
9. I love rainstorms. I love camping too. And I even like it if it rains when I'm camping so I can lay in the tent and listen to it and smell it and feel the coolness wash over everything.
10. I pretty much hate forced social activities. I am not an antisocial person. I enjoy hanging out with people in a relaxed, casual environment. I feel very silly and uncomfortable sitting with people I maybe kinda-sorta know, or maybe have never met, pretending we're friends. Everyone laughs too loud and tries to be funny.
I Now Tag :
1. Amy N.
2. Nichole R.
3. Jami K.
4. Ashley K.
5. Sheri M.
6. Stacy W.
7. Trish W.
8. Carrie W.
9. Ashleigh B.
10.Stephanie H.
Okay, I got tagged again . . .I think I've done this before, but I will try to write different things this time.
I HAVE BEEN TAGGED
The rules in this game of tag are simple -- once you have been tagged, you must write a blog with ten weird, random things, little known facts or habits about yourself. At the end choose at least 10 people to be tagged, list their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you've been tagged" and tell them to read your latest blog. Since you can't tag me back… let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see it.
1. I love Kenny Loggins. I am embarrassed about it, but my friend Jami and I decided we should make T-Shirts that say, on the front, "We Love Loggins" and on the back "And we are not ashamed!"
2. I kind of want to write Kenny Loggins a fan letter. I bet he hasn't gotten one since the late 80's. I could be his number one fan, for sure. Maybe even president of his fan club.
3. I also love Richard Simmons. I recently ordered "Sweatin' to the Oldies" to go along with my diet. Maybe I should add "Simmons" to the Loggins Tee.
4. I am getting 2 new tattoos, as soon as my "economic stimulus" money comes in. I am getting Brian's footprint on my left foot and Sawyer's on my right.
5. I like to call people by strange names. Like right now, if I saw you, I'd say, "Hi, Mike!" And I bet your name is indeed . . .well, not Mike.
6. Like my sister-in-law, I am not overly obsessed with chocolate. I like it. But I don't LOVE it. Now that I'm on a diet, people keep asking me if I miss it. No, I don't. In fact, I can still eat a lot of stuff w/some chocolate, and it's not that thrilling. What I'd REALLY love to eat is a pound of bacon. Seriously.
7. I used to worry a lot about people talking bad about me. It really upset me a lot to know that "friends" of mine were saying things, judging me, behind my back. I know that people have judged my divorce and remarriage, and think I am a bad person. I haven't advertised my feelings or what happened to most people, so they assume they know. I'm over that now, and over them. None of them actually know even a tiny percent of what they THINK they know about me or my life.
8. I am a little bit obsessed with true-crime tv shows and books. Another secret passion.
9. I love rainstorms. I love camping too. And I even like it if it rains when I'm camping so I can lay in the tent and listen to it and smell it and feel the coolness wash over everything.
10. I pretty much hate forced social activities. I am not an antisocial person. I enjoy hanging out with people in a relaxed, casual environment. I feel very silly and uncomfortable sitting with people I maybe kinda-sorta know, or maybe have never met, pretending we're friends. Everyone laughs too loud and tries to be funny.
I Now Tag :
1. Amy N.
2. Nichole R.
3. Jami K.
4. Ashley K.
5. Sheri M.
6. Stacy W.
7. Trish W.
8. Carrie W.
9. Ashleigh B.
10.Stephanie H.
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