Well, I have done it. I've started to believe. Kind of.

I felt the baby move recently, and it's been happening nightly. When I'm sitting or lying very still, I can sometimes feel him/her rolling around. Jim's been able to feel it once too.

I also bought some baby clothes. Steve and Barry's is going out of business, so I bought a few gender-neutral outfits and lots of baby socks. I also bought the sweetest onesie . . .it has baby Dumbo on it, and says, "Mama's Little Peanut."

I've also started to dream of putting the nursery together, of baby showers, and of all the things we will do to prepare for this little one.

I start my shots today. I am almost halfway through the pregnancy, and only 6 weeks away from the point where things have gone wrong before. I have a feeling I'm going to sail right through. I didn't have that confidence when I was pregnant with Sawyer. I was scared all the time. But this time, I know the TAC will hold. I have heard from several women who all made it full term, with no complications. I am praying for this every day. I pray no pre-term labor, no contractions, no gestational diabetes, no high blood-pressure. But most importantly, I pray this baby will make it as close to full term as possible with the TAC, and that he/she will be born healthy and we can take him/her home.

I have fallen in love, and I can't wait to meet our child for the first time. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I long for the moment I see our baby's face and look into his/her eyes . . .and just know that I am mom to a living child, finally. I miss our boys so much, but I know they will be SUCH a huge part of that moment. They will be part of our lives no matter what, and our third child will always know how much mommy and daddy love ALL their children, and how proud we are of them.

Little one . . .I can't wait to hold you. I have longed for this moment all my life. Your dad and I are waiting, every day, with the highest of hopes and hearts full of love.

(And very soon I should be able to stop with the him/her stuff and find out for sure!)