Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I know that everyone worries during pregnancy. I know that I tend to worry more in general, because I'm a worrier. But I think those of us who have lost children worry even more. The worry I feel is so great that sometimes it gets on top of me and I feel like I can't even breathe. The funny thing is . . .I'm not even worried about IC this time. I have confidence that the TAC works and I will carry this baby to term. I am worried about the hundreds of other things that can go wrong. I know too many people who have been through too many kinds of loss to be able to say that everything will be okay.

I could go into a lot of details here, but I won't. I just don't have the energy right now.

The real reason I wanted to write this is that recently, every single morning when I wake up, without fail, a specific song is "playing" in my head. Every morning the same song, and I know instinctively I've been dreaming it. It plays throughout the night, somewhere inside of me, and I can't explain why. All I know is that it is there, constantly, and maybe it's a messge . . .

3 Little Birds by Bob Marley

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you."

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."

I hope this is trying to tell me something, I really, really do. Because I really want every little thing to be all right this time.


AKD said...

I am keeping you in my prayers!

We are calling our little girl "Little Bird." That makes me smile.

Jim and Amy Rennie said...

Thank you for the prayers. Calling your girl "Little Bird" makes me smile too, a lot. :)