Just wanted to post a message regarding Sawyer to let you all know that you can view his obituary at www.davismortuaryinc.com. For those of you who have sent emails, cards, flowers, and guestbook messages, thank you. We will be in touch soon, but for now, just know how much you have all meant to us.

Amy, Jim, Brian, and Sawyer

For everyone's information: Sawyer's funeral will be at 10:30 a.m. this coming Saturday, April 14 at Tremont Baptist Church. We will be receiving friends starting at 9:30. You are all invited and welcome to attend. Thank you all for your prayers and love for Sawyer. It has all meant more than we can say. Our only comfort is that he is with his brother now, and they can play together forever.

Our Angel

Sawyer James Rennie left us at 4:47 this morning. They took him off the machines at 3:00 due to organ failure. There was nothing else they could try. He opened his eyes to say goodbye to us as we held him. He struggle valiantly, so long and so hard, but in the end, his little body just could not take anymore. He let us know when he was ready to go be with his big brother. The grief is indescribable and something I can't possibly try to capture here, especially right now, but the love he had was more than we could ever have imagined.

Sawyer is fighting for his life tonight. He had to have a surgery today to reinsert part of his intestines that had protruded from the drain in his side. Then he had to have an iv line started, as well as a "pick line." This goes up his arm and into his chest. He will have to have surgery sometime in the next couple of days to see what is happening in his tummy.

His blood pressure is dangerously low again. His kidneys are not producing urine again. His swelling has not gone down--in fact, it is worse than ever before.

People have commented that they are amazed by how strong we have been through this. We are feeling weak tonight. We cannot leave our baby boy--we are on our way back to spend the night with him. We are very worried and it is devastating to watch your newborn baby suffer through all of this.

PLEASE PRAY TONIGHT! Sawyer needs our help.

Love,
Amy, Jim, Brian, and Sawyer

Well, it was a long day today, and full of worry, but as always, full of joy as well. We know that every single day with our son is a day of beauty and a miracle of God. We are so lucky to have such an amazing child, and we love him with all our hearts. It is difficult for us to watch him struggle, but we are determined to fight with him for his life, as long as he still has a fight in him . . .which we hope will be for a very, very long time. The whole family wishes they could take his place, but unfortunately, we can't. It is harrowing, but we are trying to give him to God and allow Him to be in control and heal Sawyer, day by day.

Sawyer is stable. He is not out of the woods yet, not by far. He is a very sick little boy--as the doctors say, he is still critically ill. However, they also keep telling us he is holding his own and fighting hard.

The goal now is to get him to remain stable, keep urinating, and get rid of all the fluid his body has retained. We already think he looks far less swollen, so that is a good thing. If they can get rid of that fluid, they will be able to put in his permanent line for medications and fluids. It's a critical time, because they need to get that put in!!! So please pray that he continues to get rid of the fluid in his body. They can also do surgery on him if they need to for his intestines.

Also, continue to pray for his perforated intestines. They do not know, and will not know for some time, the extent of the damage. However, the nurse practitioner told us tonight that he is not showing a high level of acid in his blood, which is one way they can tell there is a lot of damage--so again, this is a good sign.

It is scary, because the doctors often seem grim and offer very little hope. But we have faced those same conversations almost daily for 11 days now! I can't count how many times we have been prepared that he might not make it through the day. This shows us what a strong fighter our boy is. Everyone involved in his care has said how much he has surprised everyone. Keep praying that he will continue to surprise them and pull through this.

Also, every time Sawyer faces one of these trials, his brain could be affected. They do not know one way or the other. Only time will tell. Please pray that his brain will continue to develop normally and will not suffer for this trauma.

Oh--this evening he managed to extubate himself! He got his oxygen tube out--very, very scary sounding to mom and dad, but actually the nurses said he was fine and it wasn't a big deal. They managed to get some very handsome pictures of him after they re-intubated him, so we will scan them and blog them tomorrow.

Pray for Jim, because he has to keep working so that we will have money for Sawyer when he comes home. It is very hard on him, because he wants so badly to be with Sawyer, and it is awful to have to be at work instead. Then, by the time he gets home, he is exhausted and has to fight it to go be with Sawyer. Pray for me, also, because I have to face the doctors every morning without Jim, and hear the news myself. Thankfully, my mom is able to be with me if Jim is not, but it is still hard that he can't be there too.

Finally, a final prayer request is for the Monti family. A friend of mine from high school, Jennifer Monti, passed away this afternoon. She has been fighting for her life for many weeks in the same hospital where Sawyer is. She had gone in for a lung surgery, but her body suffered setback after setback, and finally she lost her earthly battle. Praise God her spiritual battle was won and she will never feel pain again. Please pray for her family--her parents, Mike and Sharon Whisenand, her brother Anthony, and her husband, Jon Monti. They need a lot of lifting up. Jennifer was only 32 years old.

Thank you all.


Love,
Jim, Amy, Brian, and Sawyer

Grandma and Grandpa Brown looking at Sawyer

Holding Daddy's wedding band

After surgery--we got a closer look while the cover was off his isolette

Well . . .we have bad news and good news, as usual.

This morning we rushed to the hospital to meet with the surgeons. Sawyer's intestine has perforated. We were given the option of "letting him go." We were told that his chances of surviving exploratory surgery to see the extent of the damage were slim to none. However, were were also given the option of having the surgeon put in a drain to see if they could get rid of the fluid, buy him some more time to see if he remains stable enough to do potential surgery, and see if this shows the extent of the damage as well. If his intestinal perforation is small enough, it will heal on it's own.

The good news is that the surgery happened at 8:30ish this morning. We were told by both Dr. Ramiro (his head doctor) and the surgeon, Dr. Pearl, that the next 12-24 hours would show results, one way or the other. Either his stats would plummet or remain stable. They have, thus far, remained stable, and we are over 14 hours out. He is still producing adequate urine, and the drain is doing its job by getting rid of the "bad stuff" in his abdomen.

Our prayers are that he will continue to remain stable and improve, and that the intestinal perforation is small and will heal on its own. Please keep praying hard.

Also . . .thank you so much for your emails, cards, calls, and messages. I have not had much of a chance to respond to each of you individually. Please understand that I am not ignoring you--my husband and I read every one of your messages and they mean so much to us. When things settle down a bit, I will be able to more personally address each of you. For now, please don't think we aren't appreciative of your messages--they honestly mean SO much to us and help to keep us positive. Thank you so much.

Love,
Jim, Amy, Brian, and Sawyer

Well . . .today is our first wedding anniversary. After nearly 48 hours without urine, our little boy gave us a wet diaper! There wasn't much, but it was there--the nurse weighed it twice to make sure! There was also a little bit in the catheter tube. AND he had a tiny bit of "stool." These are the things we have been praying our hearts out to God for, and he answered yet again. His other numbers/stats are looking very good. We could never have asked for more. Everyone kept asking us what we did for our anniversary . . .well, we are proud to say, we spent it with our son. Keep praying for his kidneys, liver, bowels, and lungs.

Happy Easter.

Love,
Jim, Amy, Brian, and Sawyer

See that yellow stuff in the tube? That's his little pee! :)

Sawyer was very active tonight, and totally played for the camera. So, for everyone, but in particular his Grandma and Grandpa across the pond, John and Jane, meet Sawyer!


Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

Well, God has given us the grace to make it through another rough one. I won't say a whole lot, because it's difficult . . .it was a tough morning for baby Sawyer. We were told at 8 pm we'd have to make decisions. Then, as usual, he pulled out all the stops and began to improve. We have a specific prayer request for tonight and tomorrow. His major issue right now is that his kidneys are failing. This could be full failure, or it could be (we HOPE) that they were just shocked because of his low blood pressure. They are hoping that the meds they are giving him, along with continued good pressure, will get them working again. Please pray for his little kidneys, that God would heal them and help them to begin their function again.

Thank you all beyond measure.

Love,
Amy, Jim, Brian, and Sawyer

Another Day

Sawyer is still fighting. We are tired and in need of rest, so I will keep this brief, but keep praying for our little fighter. He is as "tough and rugged" as his name implies. We love him more every day, and every day miracles happen in his little body, so please pray with us that this will be a continuing pattern.

We read him goodnight tonight and last night . . .his Uncle Keith and Aunt Ashleigh (and little cousin Kyleigh) bought him "Love You Forever," so that was his story last night. Tonight I read him the Little Golden Book about God, and Jim read him "On the Day You Were Born." We also played "Blackbird" by the Beatles for him today, and put several items and pictures in his isolette so he would see and feel how much he is loved.

Mommy's Bedtime Story

Daddy's Bedtime Story

Sawyer's Isolette with pictures of the Beatles, mommy, daddy, and the whole family.

First of all, I am sorry I do not have time to write each of you individually. I promise I will do so when I can.

Sawyer had a rough day today. Earlier in the morning, the doctors were talking to Jim and I about decisions we might have to make about prolonging his life or letting him go. The main issue was his blood pressure, which dropped dangerously low. Then, when they used Dopamine to try to help him, his heart rate was racing, so they couldn't seem to find a balance. The doctors and nurses were all very grim and didn't seem to think he would last very long.

This all started at 9 a.m. when we arrived at the hospital. It is now 10:36, and for the past couple of hours, Sawyer's blood pressure has been back to normal. The doctors and nurses are now fairly certain he will hold stable through the night!

God does amazing things. Please, please . . .we know you are praying, but if you could, double your efforts. We know each day with our baby boy is a miracle, but we're not ready to let him go, and neither are the doctors. He keeps proving to everyone what a fighter he is, so we know he isn't ready to go either. He is so loved, and we know that God's amazing power can work through this little guy. His lungs are still a major issue. Even for a 24 weeker, they are weak, which is not good news. However, the doctors do feel that if they can get the balance right, he could heal. The problem is that they seem to be either over-inflating, which causes a risk of air pockets and blows, or under-inflating, which has caused some collapsed areas. They need to be able to find a balance, and it's been a struggle. So please keep praying, keep sending him your love . . .we know he feels it! He's an amazing, beautiful child.

Thank you all so much for everything!!

Love,

Jim, Amy, Brian, and Sawyer

Hello!

Well, today certainly was an adventure, and I am moved to celebrate the extraordinary juggling skills of the NICU staff. Providing Sawyer with a safe environment for his continued growth, and the right answers to his physical challenges is like cooking five meals, on five stovetops for five different people who all want to eat at exactly five o'clock sharp. It's amazing. Anyway, thought it was time for a couple of pictures.

Sawyer at about 8:00PM on the day of his birth. That's Amy's finger in his hand.

Sawyer is such a brave little guy. He lay quietly while I took his temperature under his arm tonight, though wriggled furiously when I changed his diaper, which proves that he already possesses a keen sense of not wanting to show off his rude bits in brightly lit places. Quite right. I did okay though!

Also, a real surprise, and treat for us today: Sawyer opened his eyes for the first time.

He's still hanging in there great. After a day of big improvements - a definite two steps forward - he took the requisite half-shuffle back tonight, but the end result was a clear gain. A good day.

SAWYER JAMES RENNIE

Just to let everyone know that Sawyer James Rennie, our son, was born on Saturday March 31st 2007 at 2:43PM at OSF Saint Francis Medical Center in Peoria. He weighed 1lb 9ozs, ansd was 16 weeks and 1 day premature. He is currently in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU!) where he is doing extremely well, and beginning his new adventure in life with great courage and strength.

He is the most beautiful baby, and fighting very hard to continue to grow and stay strong. Any prayers and good wishes would help him tremendously - we are telling him lots how very much he is loved.

Amy is doing very well, and is already up and around, and feeling strong. We are both proud beyond words. :)

Love to you all!

Jim, Amy, and Sawyer

JIM IS SPIDERMAN!

Hello, and long-time-no-blog! How is everyone? Hope you're all excellent.

So... on Saturday at Wal-Mart we had a promotion, jointly hosted by the toy department and our one-hour photo lab, where kids could come to the toy department between 10am and 2pm to get their picture taken with Spiderman. There was much preparation. First, we had to arrange rental of a Spiderman suit, as we were not granted the luxury of a man-in-suit as some other Wal-Marts did, and thought that the two-feet high cardboard cutouts we were given instead were.. well, if not crap, then a huge potential disappointment for the kids we had lured to the toy department with flyers and P.A. announcements promising a chance to meet Spiderman.

We arranged staffing for the lab, a guy from the toy department was supposed to be in early to set up the backdrop, and two of the managers agreed to dress in the suit for two-hours each. We had the bakery make two boxes of Spiderman cupcakes to offer the kids, we had our cameras ready the night before and... it all went the Wal-Mart way. I arrived at 10:05 am, and NOTHING was set up. On top of that, the manager who was supposed to "be" Spiderman for the first two hours had "not been told about it", the other was not in until 12:00pm. It was at least 50p/c the responsibility of the photo lab to make the day happen and, as manager, about 49p/c of that was mine. Panic was in the air like a very fat blimp, and indeed Hindenburg-like crash-and-burn film footage, and images of crying kids and angry parents began flashing through my mind at a great rate of frames-per-second. Anyway, to cut a long story at least in half, we drafted in, until he had to leave for lunch, David, who works in dairy, who agreed, for reasons unknown, to don the suit and save the day. Or should I say, half of it.

If you hadn't already caught on, guess who else got to be Spiderman, in the middle of Pekin Wal-Mart, in an INCREDIBLY hot suit, for just over two hours?

Here's the pics:

SpideyJim meets the kids - these little guys happen to be Mo, and Bo, the children of Amy Aluyi (background) who goes to our church. The kids go to Amy's daycare too.

The kids were all really, really cute, but otherwise fell into three distinct categories. Namely:

- Abject terror. ("I don't like this AT ALL.")

- Completely unimpressed. ("Wow. A guy with a suit on. Backwards.")

- Excited beyond all reason. ("It's REALLY Spiderman!!!!!!! I love you SPIDERMAAAAN!!!")

It was a welcome break from the norm - oh, and I decided that when Sawyer grows up we are definitely renting Spiderman suits for a day. :)

SpideyJim takes a moment out to have a chat with Jeramy (not a spelling misteak) from ICS.

We did it!!! Here's SpideyJim, after the successful completion of the Spiderman promotion. It was at this point that somebody pointed out that I'd had my suit on backwards the entire time, which is such a SpideyJim thing to do. I actually felt very proud that we made it all work out - I had privately SWORN when the promotion was announced that there was no incitement, inducement, or cooing would make me put that suit on, but I did and, though I admit it grudgingly, had a little bit of fun too.

This is SO going on my resume.

Bereaved Parents Wish List

I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child; my favorite topic of the day. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over. These first years are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child and I will always grieve that he is dead. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself. I don't want to have a "Pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you. When I say, "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky. Your advice to "take it one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died and I will never be that person again. I wish very much that you could understand ~ understand my loss and my grief. But I pray daily that you will never understand.

I have always love the Oscars. Ever since I was a little girl, I would dream of the speech I would give if I would win, and how I would act when other people got their awards. It has always made me really happy to watch. I know a lot of people think that it's all just a bunch of fake Hollywood glamour, but you know what? Watching tonight, I realized how much those people can affect the world around them. I love the fact that people who are artists are often more sensitive and emotional about the world around them. I love that Al Gore won an award for caring about our environment--something that people have mocked him for the last 30 years about, and yet, he was finally recognized and applauded as the genuinely good and caring person that I believe he is. I love that tonight I heard a woman speak in Chinese and a man speak in Italian. I love that there was a French presenter, a Japanese presenter, and a German presenter. I love that people all over the world, from Britain to Israel won awards and were recognized for their contributions to the screen. I love that a lesbian hosted, and another lesbian won an award for best song and thanked her wife. I love that Jennifer Hudson, a girl who 2 years ago was living in Chicago like anyone else, and who Simon Cowell said would never make it because of her size, was on that stage tonight, belting it out with Beyonce, and winning her Academy Award. I love that Queen Latifah came out, a full figured woman who is absolutely gorgeous and so classy. I love that the little girl from "Little Miss Sunshine" (Abby Breslin) was there, smiling her sweet, genuine smile, dressed in the sweetest, cutest little dress, not being skinny and Hollywood and made-up and glamourous, just being an intelligent and fun little girl. I love that this one night of the year makes a film lover like me feel proud and wish, once again, that I could be a part of such a profession, where reality meets with one's craft, and where artists strive to change the world through their art. As Ellen said, tonight was the most international Oscar ceremony in history, and I am so proud of all of those involved. Their films not only change the world by example, but so do the artists involved by the things they say and do, by and large. Give me any one of them over Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson or Brittney Spears any day. They also change each of us who believe in the magic of stories, whether on film, stage, or in books . . .they make us laugh and cry and everything in between. The Oscar goes to the Oscars for years and years of entertaining, challenging, and inspiring us all!

We found out for sure today that we are expecting a son, who will be named Sawyer James Rennie! He is a big time mover and shaker, just like his older brother. We are very excited!!! Please continue to keep us in your prayers, and thank you all for your support so far!

PS Jim came home exactly one year ago, so Happy Anniversary to us! :)

So. Tonight we watched "Munich." We stupidly decided at 12:30 p.m. to go and get something to drink from the machines outside Super V. Keep in mind that we had a blizzard a few days ago, and then it started snowing again earlier tonight. So, we got our little sodas and started on our way home. About a block from our house, Jim drove right into a very, very large mountain of snow. I immediately freaked out and asked him what the bleep he thought he was doing. As I said it, the car stops dead. I told him NOT to stop or we'd never get out . . .but too late. We were completely stuck. We tried in vain to get out for about 15 minutes. Jim got out to push. Nothing worked. Going 2 inches backward, then 2 inches forward, each time hitting a wall of snow was not helping anything. We started to smell the scent of burning rubber. SO . . .without a coat or hat or gloves or socks or ANYTHING sensible, Jim walked home. As I waited in the car, wearing my bathrobe and sandals, he put on socks, sweatshirt with hood, and gloves, and grabbed a shovel and a gallon jug of hot water. We think it's the hot water that saved us. After about 20 minutes of Jim digging and pouring water under the tires, I was able to reverse quite a long way and then went forward through the drift. I had to continue driving until I made my way out of a network of small hills, during which time I almost peed my pants because it was like driving in Crazy Taxi or some such game. I felt like a stunt driver in a movie. I almost hit a guy's truck parked along the road and skidded halfway in a circle before coming to rest in an area fairly sparse of snow. Jim got in, I laughed really hard, still almost peeing myself, and we came home. How's that for a fun-filled night?